I went to Golden Colorado this weekend for a Unitarian Young Adult conference. The Mountain Desert District which includes Utah, Colorado, Montana (?), Idaho, New Mexico, Arizona and parts of Texas used to have an amazing young adult group. 30 or 40 people would show up to well organized gatherings and really grow and change and develop the district. This one, however, was totally disorganized and not "spiritual renewal"ly at all. We mostly played games and bitched that only 10 people showed up. Remember that guy you met at Opus in Toronto? He says hi. I've known him for almost 10 years. The sexual tension between us finally exploded on a blow up mattress in a church classroom with 5 other people sleeping around us.
That Monday after the con was perhaps the weirdest day ever. I went to Denver because Adam lives there. Remember him? That old boyfriend of mine who I still adore and is the only truly good man I've ever met? I wanted to see his life and see if there was any chance that we may one day get back together. I don't think we will, which was a sad realization. A lot like when you realize there is no Santa or Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny. But it's good too. We love each other very much and if rings, babies and picket fences aren't in our future that doesn't change how much we mean to each other. He's got a wicked clear perspective on him, me, us, life. He noted that if there was really a chance for us, I probably wouldn't have made out with that guy and invited him to hang out with us in Denver.
When Adam and I were together he partied a lot and that was a large, contentious issue for us. I hoped it had gotten better but it had actually gotten worse. The day I left I cried to him. I said, "I'm not saying this maternally but as a concerned friend..." He said "You don't even have to say it, I already know." He's either got to quit drinking or he's going to drink himself out of house and home. He's not taking care of himself, he's suffering. I'm trying to get him to move back to SLC.
So Johnny, who I made out with the night before, and Adam, whose bed I was sleeping in that night, and I all hung out. It was sort of awkward but Johnny and Adam seemed to really get along well. It made me really happy to see those two together since both had told me they'd felt a severe disconnect and didn't have many, if any friends in their lives.
Monday started with me loosing Adam's little doggy while he was in the shower. The cutest little brown mut you've ever seen. I went outside with her to let her pee and she took off. I chased her around the block for 20 minutes before she finally ducked out of sight. Adam was very calm about it (his trademark signature). We looked for her for a bit, then had breakfast, then looked for her some more, then went to the neighborhood pub (his second home) and started drinking at 2pm. Then his sister in law called saying that someone had called her. A woman had found a dog in the park and after googling the outdated information on her tags finally came up with someone with the same last name and hoped maybe she was related to the Adam on the tags. So we got in touch with her and went out to pick the dog up. She said it took 5 people to get her out of the street. Thank god for humanity.
Later that night, Johnny came over and we went out to a bar. As we got progressively drunker things got weirder until Johnny was asking "where Adam's heart was" with me or with this last girl he dated. He couldn't answer (in retrospect, I'm glad he didn't because that was a totally inappropriate conversation to have at that time in that company). But in the moment his lack of response made everything fall apart. Johnny took off "on a walk" and I was hissing "don't touch me" as Adam was trying to figure out why I was so pissed off. By the time we were all rounded back up from getting pissed at each other, I didn't even THINK to ask if Johnny was alright to drive. I just assume if you are the driver you are going to be responsible. I just wanted to get the fuck back to Adam's house. I don't think Johnny was even all that drunk, but he was so taxed from the con and staying up with us till 4 the night before and the energy between the 3 of us was so rotten at that point Johnny accidentally ran into a parked car. He hit the car so hard that his is now totaled. The other car had a mere dent on the bumper.
Now that I think about it, I think I have whiplash. We are all ok and we were only about three blocks from Adam's so we all went back there and slept. Johnny and I wrote a note to the guy he hit and Adam took off staggering up the street. Some girls on bikes said to us as we followed a block behind, "You're friend is pretty drunk. You should be watching out for him better."
Adam was SO drunk that I had to literally put him to bed: take his clothes off, give him a glass of water and tuck him in. I had my choice that night of sleeping with someone unconscious from drunkenness or someone at least conscious enough to snuggle. So Johnny and I blew up the air mattress and made out again.
This is my life recently. 1st I got in a bike wreck while on my way to the tattoo shop to make an appointment for my dandelion tattoo. Then I got the worst cold ever and was out of commission for a week straight. Then a friend of mine broke my big bay window simply by leaning against it. Then this rough weekend. But in spite of all this havoc I feel very centered and calm. It feels like the universe is testing my serenity and I am passing.
Love you,
Jennica
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